Once you hit a certain age, you realize that life is not always what it seems to be. It can be funny how the things that once took up so much of our time and attention eventually mean very little. And you wonder how silly it was to have paid so much attention to something that is no longer important. Yet God allowed you to go through it, and you lived to tell the tale.

I admit I have reached that age, also humorously known as the “I Don’t Care” (IDC) age. If you are 40 and above, you might know what I mean. If you are below 40, you might benefit from reading about it.

There is a psychological concept called the 18-40-60 Rule, popularized by psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen.

Basically, the rule states:

At 18: You worry about what everyone thinks of you. 

At 40: You stop caring what other people think about you. 

At 60: You realize that nobody was ever thinking about you that much because they were too busy worrying about themselves.

At different stages of our lives, we try to please different people, and we develop this desire very early in life to survive. It is a survival skill that the world teaches us. This way of living is built on applause, visibility, and the approval of certain significant people in our lives. To a certain degree, we are taught to be mindful of others and to think of others as well because we are social beings.

The danger in this system is that it doesn’t tell us how far we can go before it backfires on us. We start living to impress others, to gain more likes, to win the approval of certain people, and eventually climb the social ladder only to find loneliness, anxiety, and even depression. The reason is that such pursuits can lead us to live merely to please others. We stop caring about what matters most to us and, most importantly, as believers, what matters most to God. People-pleasing is tiring and often destructive, and we were not meant to live our lives merely pleasing others.

We are warned in Jeremiah 17:5:

Thus says the Lord: 
“Cursed is the man who trusts in man 
and makes flesh his strength, 
whose heart turns away from the Lord.”

Let’s say someone is always praising you, and one day, that person stops praising you. You may begin to wonder what is wrong with you. You may ask questions like, “Did I do or say something wrong?” This can lead to negative thoughts about us and even lower our self-esteem. If we are constantly seeking the approval of others, it will become disappointing and exhausting because people are inconsistent anyway. As much as we change, people also change. There is no way we can live freely while constantly trying to please others.

The weight of trying to please everyone is heavy, and it was never meant for us to carry in the first place. We read stories of people who try to please everyone and eventually break down. There are numerous celebrities who have retreated from the limelight because they couldn’t keep up with the pressure of maintaining a perfect image online.

People can eventually sense when content is curated simply to please others and gain more likes. Once they sense that something is fake, the criticism can be vicious, and the outcome can be devastating. There is no end to pleasing the world. And so, the world offers a remedy for this destructive system: live for yourself and do what pleases you.

But this is contrary to what the Bible teaches us. Paul wisely wrote to the Galatians in chapter 1, verse 10:

¹⁰ For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servantof Christ.

As followers of Christ, we do not need to live merely to please others—or ourselves. Instead, we strive to please God first because He knows our inmost being. Our hearts are deceitful, and when they become filled with an addiction to human approval, we will eventually face the consequences. Our whole being – social, mental, physical and even spiritual will be affected. After all, we are more than merely social beings.

We can take heart that God is in the process of redeeming us and has promised to be with us, helping and guiding us towards the blessed life He has promised to those who strive to please Him. And when we have learned to care about what God cares about, other things will begin to fall into place.

Not everyone will like us, and we may not always be popular. But God will grant us wisdom to manage people and their expectations.

Truly,
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” Proverbs 9:10

If you are anxious right now because you must please others, I pray you can cast all your anxieties on him because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).