Before enrolling in theological college and becoming a pastor, I served as a primary school teacher with the Ministry of Education. During those years, I learned two crucial lessons that I continue to hold close to my heart.
The first is simple: students do not care how much you know until they know how much you care. The second is that the true goal of teaching is not merely delivering a lesson but ensuring that students learnt the material and grow. What matters most is their ongoing development and maturity.
This principle applies far beyond the classroom. Relational care is our capital for speaking truth, and the ultimate aim of speaking truth is to build others up.
Put simply, love creates the space for truth to be heard. Love is like the sweet coating on a pill that may taste bitter or plain but is deeply beneficial to anyone willing to swallow it. We often need the outer layer of love before we can receive the inner pill of truth. And when truth is received, genuine spiritual growth follows.
Apostle Paul emphasized this dynamic in his letter to the Ephesians (Ephesians 4:11–16):
“And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.”
Verse 11 outlines Christ’s dynamic gifts to His church: apostles, prophets, evangelists, shepherds, and teachers. Verse 12 clarifies God’s core purpose: equipping believers for active ministry and strengthening the body. This yields the glorious goal described in verse 13: unity, deeper knowledge of the Son of God, and spiritual maturity in Christ. Verse 14 warns of the dangerous instability that plagues an immature church, leaving believers tossed about by deceptive doctrines. Verse 15 offers the solution: actively speaking the truth in love. Finally, verse 16 illustrates the fruit of this practice: a body securely joined together, every part functioning smoothly, continuously building itself up in love.
In short, speaking truth in love is not an optional extra for the local church. It is the fundamental mechanism through which the church matures.
In The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller explores the delicate interplay between truth and love. While addressing marital intimacy, Keller also draws parallels to the relationship between Christ and His Church, writing: “Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it.”
Truth and love belong together.
Scriptural wisdom confirms this balance. Passages such as Proverbs 12:18 and 15:1 remind us that unloving truth quickly turns into destructive harshness. The delivery of our words often determines whether others can benefit from the wisdom offered. Conversely, Proverbs 25:11–12 beautifully notes, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear.”
The way we communicate truth matters immensely.
Yet, truth-telling is rarely painless. Even when wrapped in authentic love, truth can stir tension or generate unintended friction. Paul poignantly asked the Galatian believers if he had become their enemy simply by telling them the truth (Galatians 4:16). Honest, loving correction is often misunderstood.
Nonetheless, Scripture calls us to be steadfast friends who risk our relationships for the sake of those we cherish. Open rebuke is far better than hidden love, for “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:5–6).
While this burden falls uniquely on shepherds and teachers, who must accept that their motives may sometimes be misconstrued, we are all called to be our brother’s (or sister’s) keeper. May we all offer gentle correction and, when love requires it, inflict faithful wounds, for one another—each part working properly, making the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
Lord, make us a people who love enough to tell the truth,
and who care enough to tell it gently. Amen.