When God created Adam and Eve in his image, he created them to have the capacity to love because the Triune God is a community of love. However, when sin came into the picture, the image of God in human was marred and so was their ability to love.
They hid from the Lord rather than enjoyed walking with him in the garden. Adam blamed Eve for leading him to eat the forbidden fruit when actually he could have stopped her from doing so but he didn’t.
Down through the ages, because of inherited sin, we have failed to love God and each other, resulting in all sorts of harm and atrocities being inflicted on humankind.
When Jesus broke into our history, he did not only die on the cross for our sins, he also showed us how we ought to live – as human beings before the Fall. He came to restore our distorted image so that we can freely love God with our total devotion and love our neighbours as ourselves, for we are no longer under the bondage of sin.
Be sensitive!
There are so many ways we can show love to one another, and today, I want to look at how we can exercise love by being sensitive to each other’s needs.
Usually, fellow brothers and sisters do not shout out their struggles although I’d encourage all of us to be willing to share our burdens with others so that we do not walk alone because we are not meant to walk alone.
How then can we be sensitive to the needs of the people around us even if they are not forthcoming in baring their hearts to us? In this pandemic period when we do not meet face to face, the challenges of knowing what is happening in each other’s lives go up a few notches.
Being sensitive to the Holy Spirit is a good starting point.
If we have a nudging within to connect with someone, let’s not hesitate. Say a prayer for the person. You may not know what is happening to her but as the Spirit leads you, pray.
Afterwards, you can give the person a text or a call to let her know that she is in your thoughts and you have said a prayer for her. You can also ask how she is doing and see where the conversation leads.
A sister came to my mind recently so I texted her and found out that the following day she was going for a 4-hour laser skin treatment. How timely! She said that I too came to her mind and she had wanted to contact me but I beat her to it.
Being sensitive means we need to be observant.
Someone may not be his or her usual self. He is unusually quiet during DG zoom meeting; she has become inactive on social media; he is strangely loud and chatty; she has an outburst of anger over a trivial matter. We may want to pay attention to these tell-tale signs that something is amiss and connect with the person to find out more.
Listen with love
If they do share, listen with patience and empathy by putting ourselves in their shoes. Don’t hijack their stories by rushing in to tell our own stories. Neither should we be too quick to offer solutions or correct the person; listen to understand.
Ask questions to know more about their perspectives, thoughts and feelings. Avoid clichés like saying “everything happens for a reason”, “I know exactly how you feel”.
Please be aware that your body language speaks volumes. Sniggering, raising of eyebrows, darting eyes or giving a dead pan look – these are not helpful if we really want to listen with compassion.
Shoot an arrow prayer to the Lord whenever you think you need wisdom to carry on the conversation in a way that is helpful for the person.
Allowing the person to offload by talking can itself be a good start for healing to take place.
Let’s be sensitive but let’s not be overly sensitive.
The latter has to do with ourselves. Don’t be too quick to jump into conclusion that others are thinking poorly of us. Sometimes, we are easily upset or hurt by what people say or do because they make us feel very small or worthless or even stupid.
Ideally, it will be good for us to speak to the person to clear the air.
Have honest conversations.
“Why did you make that comment? I was really hurt.” “Why did you do what you did? It makes me embarrassed and I feel like I’m being put down.” Emphasise more on the pronoun “I” rather than “you”. The latter can sound accusative. As for the former, people cannot invalidate how you feel.
Quite likely, the other person has no idea that he has hurt you. It could just be a misunderstanding. Without an honest conversation, the misunderstanding could fester, bringing about pain that is uncalled for!
However, most often we won’t have the courage to confront the person whom we feel has hurt us. How else then should we respond?
Don’t read too much into peoples’ words and actions.
It is very sad if you feel that everyone is looking down on you when actually no one is looking down on you. It is really tragic if you strongly feel that people are judging you when in fact no one is judging you.
Be quick to forgive.
Even if someone in the church family has done you wrong, intentionally or unintentionally, don’t let it scar you for life. If it is unintentional, be quick to forgive because he does not even realise it. Cut him some slack. If it is intentional, also be quick to forgive. Tell yourself that the person needs to grow up. It is really silly of you to dwell in your anger and hurt while the other party happily goes on with his life!
Be aware of inferiority complex.
Those who are overly sensitive tend to have an inferiority complex and at the same time, they are also filled with pride. Their ego can be easily wounded. Just because others disagree with us does not mean that they don’t like us. However, if our ego is fragile, we will take it very personally whenever people cannot see eye to eye with us.
Jesus has commanded us to love our neighbour as ourselves. If we are not able to love ourselves, how then can we love our neighbours? It is no wonder that those who have low self-esteem tend to be critical of others. Maybe that’s a coping mechanism to help themselves feel better, by putting others down.
We are God’s beloved.
For those who feel lousy about themselves, return to the truths found in God’s Word: “We are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27) and we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). We are God’s beloved (1 John 3:1) for we have been bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:20), and we are destined for glory! (2 Thessalonians 2:14)”.
Your self-worth is not based on how the world sees you; your self-worth is based on how God sees us. Don’t let the world measure your self-worth by their standards. Who provides a more accurate yardstick of our self-worth? Our creator or the world that is created by him!
People cannot make us feel anything. They can only trigger feelings and opinions we already have about ourselves! Self-awareness is therefore important.
Instead of being angry or paranoid over the slightest comment that brushes against our ear, perhaps we can take a step back and ask why we are feeling how we are feeling. Go to a quiet place and breathe. At the same time, mediate on God’s Word, especially those verses that speak truths into our self-esteem.
By being more sensitive to other peoples’ needs and less sensitive to other peoples’ words and actions towards us, we will learn to love each other more sincerely, keeping the unity of the Sprit in a bond of peace, thus reflecting more accurately the image of the Triune God who is love.
